Saturday, August 03, 2013
I am now in the middle of the first term of my final year, and let's just say that life has been hell so far.
let's start with the very first day of the term - was planning to issue a set of dentures to my patient, but under a different instructor cos previous instructor decided not to come anymore this term, and BAM, new instructor has a different idea of what should have been done for the patient, and then came one of my most hated words - REDO. so yes, on the first day of what should have been a rather productive term, i landed a denture redo, and this effectively ruined my entire term and spoilt all my plans for this term's prostho progress.
said instructor also happens to be a meanass by the way, with a dubious sense of aesthetics and a crazy stupid you're-not-even-funny sense of humour, which not only makes me NOT wanna laugh, but also makes my hands tingle and itch from not slapping/punching him.
said patient is also an annoying I-cannot-make-up-my-mind auntie, who adores the abovementioned meanass, because she thinks he is awesome, just cos he promises her loads of awesome things. now we all know that for denture patients especially, we should always underpromise and overdeliver. but Dr Meanass has decided to overpromise instead, for some absurd reason that I cannot understand (possible reason #1, he is super idealistic and really really believes it can be done. possible reason #2, he is looking for some fun and trying to ruin my life at the same time). so now, fickle auntie is totally on his side and is requesting for a redo, and so I have to redo it basically. She thinks she is getting a nicer looking and more stable denture but we shall have to wait until the re-issue stage before we can say for sure, although right now from the way things are looking, i'd say her denture is still gonna be ugly as ever (maybe even uglier) and equally unstable. she also thinks it is just wonderful that i am now under this instructor because i am learning so much more and he has wonderful standards and he is gonna make a better dentist out of me. I hate to disagree with you, auntie, but all he has done is traumatise me from handling anymore denture cases in my future working life, especially cases involving weird jaw relations like yours. maybe my attitude towards learning sucks in this case, but i am honestly not learning anything from this crazy guy, and I have already hated dentures to start with, and this just tops it all.
I have also lost confidence in the things people say lol. This incident has certainly taught me that most people say stuff they say, only to get what they want. Afterwards, when they are certain that they will get what they want, they sing to a different tune altogether. This patient is the one with the weird jaw relationship, and I should just have listened to my previous instructor 3 terms back, and not taken on her case at all, because it is really too difficult for undergrad management. Previously he had already tried to manage patient expectations by telling her that I could not possibly make a better denture than her existing one, and she had told him off for talking about his own students like that, and told me I should not lose confidence in myself. He was also what I called a realistic dentist; he told the patient just what to expect from the treatment - that the new denture would still be unstable, and it would be because of her own anatomy, and not because of the way I set up the denture.
At that time the auntie agreed to getting a new but still unstable denture, and so I decided to take up the case, against my instructor's better wishes. now i regret it so much, because I have now come to realise that she said it was ok to get an unstable denture at that time only because she was desperate to have someone taking up her case as she had been on the waiting list for really long. well, i do pity her for that, but it's really not nice of her to go back on her word now, just because some idealistic idiot thinks that we can all do better than that.
Now she wants to get the denture redone in the way that Dr Meanass suggested, and it is her desire for me to redo the denture that really seals the deal, because even if Dr Meanass wanted me to redo it but she was not agreeable to a redo, I would not have to redo it. Well, the new redone denture is definitely still unstable, and she is going to be unhappy because it would now look like we have undelivered, when actually all we are doing is delivering exactly what we promised at the start of this whole treatment. And if she had any logic at all, she would realise that it was not just that 1 instructor, but in fact, 3 instructors who felt that her case was too difficult and that the previous set up I had done was the best possible plan that could be done for her case, and if she chooses to believe this idealistic idiot, then so be it. I don't mean to say that the majority opinion is always correct, but the degree of idealism that this lone ranger is proposing is really too much and too unrealistic already. anyway, all these denture patients are never satisfied, and don't ever ever believe anyone who says that they understand what is wrong with them and are willing to get a denture that is unstable or what, because trust me, they will always want more whenever the opportunity presents itself. not that I disagree with that - i myself feel that we should always give patients the best they deserve. but within reasonable and realistic limits please.... don't idealise the treatment plan and make everyone disappointed at the end.
Dr Meanass also feels that he has a really awesome sense of aesthetics, and put down the way I set up the denture teeth, even though the patient was perfectly happy with it. He just insulted 2 people's sense of aesthetics that day. He even made me delete this line from my clinical notes, about how the patient was happy with the aesthetics. Well excuse me sir, but YOU were the one who was not happy with the aesthetics, both the patient and I were happy with it, so I am just speaking the truth in my clinical notes and if you're so unhappy with it, go write it down in your own personal journal or whatever, but don't stop people from writing this in their clinical notes for goodness sake -.- anyway, I deleted that line in that end, cos otherwise he would not sign off for the entire chunk of my clinical notes, damn him. He is even so unprofessional as to go round telling other instructors from non-denture disciplines about MY sense of aesthetics. I really have nothing else to say about this anymore, seriously, other than, WHY ARE SUCH HUGE PIECES OF WALKING AND TALKING CRAP ALLOWED TO EXIST ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH?!
anyway, besides this incidents, there were many other bad things that happened to me and my cases in the clinics. I have not exactly progressed much at all this term, but it's ok and totally expected, because that's just how things go in dental school - never according to your wishes. and whatever that can go wrong, will really go wrong - Murphy's law. I don't really feel the need to talk about all these though cos they are all just stories of "yet another day in dental school".
I just really wish that my cases would progress smoothly in the coming months, because there is really not much time left. up to this point in time, I still have not cut a single crown, and I am two cases away from taking my denture competencies, and super far away from taking endo and FP competencies. my denture cases are progressing like crap, besides the case that is now under Dr Meanass, I have another one under fierce prof, who is probably the most awesome instructor I have ever worked with, and I am learning so much from him (although my ego really takes a bashing every session) but I really thoroughly enjoy working with him, because he makes me feel like I'm spending my time here in a worthy fashion, and he really intimidates me into being on top of my game every session lol. sure, he scolds me, but he has every reason to, and I appreciate every single little bit of expertise that I get to tap out of him lol, from mixing materials to taking impressions (: and so when he asks me to redo stuff, I really don't complain at all, because it really deserves a redo, and I just feel like I'm lucky to be working with him this term, that's all. unfortunately it's really difficult to book slots with him cos so many people have cases under him and we have limited chairs (that's another nightmare that I really can't stand about dental school - the chair booking system sigh, which causes me much heartbreak almost every sunday night).
I am really starting to hate dental school with a passion, and I really really want to get out of here. Our graduation is really not completely in our control though, so I just hope that all my cases will run as planned, and that I can clear my competencies in time to be eligible for finals. but oh wells, this would only happen with God's grace I guess, and if His plan for me is to get retained another 6 months then so be it, but I just hope it will be a bit more bearable.
I really do hate everything about this place though. I know it's kind of horrible of me to be complaining about my education experience when I'm actually more privileged than most people outside of dental school already. And the other day we went on a field trip to a hospice, where there were such optimistic people in there that I almost wanted to cry, because they are honestly 100 times a better person than I could ever hope to be. They certainly have worse things to worry about and be sad about than denture cases not going well, or having to rush clinical requirements. but they are so damn optimistic and so thankful for everything, for each new day that they get to live, that I really did feel super ashamed of myself. I have become this angsty pessimistic mess, that has lost faith in almost everything good that the world has to offer, and I have forgotten how to give thanks, and how to pray, etc etc.
Well, so that day after coming back from the hospice I vowed to myself that I'd try to be a better person, kinder, and more optimistic, more understand and more forgiving. I am still trying haha, but it's just really difficult. And I am still not ready to get over my angst about the redo denture yet.... and I have a feeling it will take really long. Well maybe I can't forgive Dr Meanass yet, or get over my denture patient going back on her word, but I certainly can try to be more optimistic about the coming months, and try to be kinder to everyone else, think less angry and negative thoughts, and constantly remind myself that God has a plan for me, and if i'm supposed to get out of this living hell on time, then I will, but if not, I will get out 6 months later, which is still pretty soon, and it will all be ok, and God will give me the strength and sanity to continue those 6 months if need be.
I can't wait for the hols to come! ((:
